It was supposed to be a quick check for a stomach bug, it turned into a hour trip for a several hundred pound set of tests that now say they can’t do anything. We are bringing him home for what they say is his “last week”, one of my cats is gonna pass in the next week and I’m having trouble processing that. I’ve never lost someone who was actually close to me before but what really hits me is how it all snowballed within such a short amount of time.
He is only 9 years old which isn’t particularly old for a cat, more like he just passed his prime and was to be winding down. What gets me is not the death but the timing and way of death, I don’t think many people are that emotional when someone very old dies however if a child dies a sinking feeling strikes our chests. I don’t even know if he is suffering, if his final breaths will be painful or if he will have the energy to go away to die like some animals do. I just want his time left to be peaceful.
Oddly enough I’m not a huge fan of him as he often makes incessant noise in the morning…and at night…and during the day. He pretty much fills the house with noise whenever he isn’t asleep. He also isn’t that pleasant with anyone other than my mother and is the reason why his sister is so aggressive and touchy with the other cats, being the asshole he was to her at a young age.
Despite all this though I found his presence comforting and still cared for and spoiled him when it was appropriate. I’m not gonna hold a grudge on an animal, there just isn’t that mentality of malicious impulse like you can get with people. My mother really doesn’t like people because of the various things we bring with our profoundly developed brains, saying that animals are far more honest and sincere, like a forever ignorant and innocent child. I gotta say it might have some ground to it, even if some of it might be that they are shaped by evolution to always appear young and childlike, a face you can’t stay mad at.
With all this going it has brought up feelings of closeness within some members of my family, not all of them mind you. It’s at times like these where I look at the other 3 cats and smile at how they sleep so tenderly and seek out my lap even on a warm spring day to nestle in. I don’t think nor have I ever thought that family is blood, that a sibling makes them somehow meaningful to me or you. We chose to bring these creatures into our lives and they’ve made a substantial impact upon them.
We’ve bonded not because we were together out of familial circumstance but rather because we wanted to be around each other. As a pet they may never see it that way purely but there is definitely a feeling of care and love in the dynamic. I’d always felt that the presence of a creature other than a human was a necessity in a household, it’s never gonna feel the same to look to a window sill and not see that black tail flickering from under the curtain.
it isn’t like the concept of losing him or any of my beloved pets was something I hadn’t thought of, from the moment I saw them asleep so still and quiet it had creeped into my mind. There was never a belief that “my cats are different”, that I will still be able to come home to them so many years later. Despite the inevitability of it all I guess I’d hoped it would be a happier event, not the passing but the road up to the final moments. I don’t exactly mean a happy death but rather that the days before the passing would be “it’s been a good time, _____ lived a good long life and was happy”.
Instead he has had health problems at a young age that required an expensive kind of food to help him plus he’s been in a cone twice for missing a landing from the table. Living as the alpha and a highly strung one at that, I just wish he could have had more moments of relaxation and peace.
Family, the real family that you make rather than be born with, is so astoundingly precious. I’m not saying the family you are born with can’t be a good one it’s just a different feeling when they are with you out of choice, personally I’d be happy not to be near my sister ever, truly.
The feeling of dread fades when I don’t think about it yet when I see his face or hear his cries I become overwhelmed, I can’t ease his pain and I can’t tell him it’s going to be fine, lie or not. I can’t hold him close because as a cat he will likely get upset, I’m just watching him fade away. I will get through the next week and the following weeks fine I can say assuredly, I just don’t feel…grounded right now, it’s just a really uncomfortable time.
I deal with inevitable loss weird, I’m just gonna sit with my cats and listen to them purr. It soothes me.
Have you or anyone you know death with the loss of a pet? How have you ever dealt with loss if you’ve ever had to? Would you get new pets after losing the previous ones? Thanks for the read, I just felt like I needed to write something about how I was feeling.