Certificate To Authorize Operation Of Infant Human Beings: It’s Kinda Odd Really There Is No Parent License


There are some dangerous things human beings can get a hold of. They just don’t let anyone get behind the wheel of a 4 wheeled behemoth that can get up to speeds of “far too fast for civil use”, they even have a special license for bikes alone cos you gotta be prepared for that kinda stuff. I can’t even just grab a gun from a store and go into the world with the means to end a life with an amount of physical exertion less than what I poop with unless you got something that says you have been checked for your ability to handle it. You know what I think should also need a license? Being a goddamn parent, the only “license” is genitalia!

Now I was thinking about whether or not this was an appropriate place for this sort of chatter, the conclusion which is obviously it is as you are reading as we speak. I ended up on that notion when I considered much of the babysitting a lot of parents use gaming for and the lack of effort people put into actually raising their children humorously contrasted to the effort put into making the rest of the world responsible for the “final outcome”.

After having a very open dialogue with my parents, some other parents and generally just grabbing as much as I can from as many people and sources I could, I found a lot of it synced with what I expected from raising a child. Financial stress, oh good lord financial stress is a big thing for me when I look into the future of starting a family. Not just the constant weight of knowing that there is another human life that is dependant on what I can bring them, I also want to know I can give them what I want to give them.

If possible, yeah lets go on holiday to somewhere nice. Sure, we got the money lets have a bouncy castle for your birthday. Hell even the small stuff like grabbing some chocolate while out shopping is something I’d like to be able to say yes to. Money issues are a big thing for a lot of relationships, there is of course also the knowledge that things will happen to children and children will break your stuff. Children are an investment if there ever was one, that sort of thing will stress people out.

The biggest thing I see when I see parenting issues it comes from not the physical circumstance but rather the mental ones. The lacking willpower to subdue a child’s will and get them to do what is asked of them, alongside inability to withstand being shouted at and constant crying in the process of doing so. The observational skills to identify a problem in something you are close to and seeking out whatever is necessary to remedy it regardless of pride (seriously, the amount of people I know who won’t even ask for help as if being a good parent means not getting any assistance is infuriating). These among many other things are aspects of a person that I think really should be checked before they are even allowed to try getting pregnant.

As we were all growing up we surely had that kid in the class, the trouble maker or, as they got older, the fuckwad who caused problems and gets away with the most ridiculous of things. My mother works at a primary school and she isn’t aren’t even allowed to give a suffering child their appropriate medication, they have to call the parents to come and do it. They have absolutely no means to deal with bad children other than what the half assed parents are, there is no helping it unless it becomes a concern of their actual health, shame being a prick isn’t considered a contagious disease.

I think we have all seen and heard enough flak on things like the wild misogynistic atmosphere gaming communities provide, however I don’t think hardly any of them are actual genuine women haters, I believe they do it because they find it fun to hurt people. We know it hurts people, there has to be one inexperienced person or an absolute moron to not know shouting hateful words is hurtful. Time and time again people look to games, I myself am always looking at the upbringing of the person involved.

I have never hated or spoken hateful speech on someone simply because of an aspect of them they cannot control. Oh I’ll throw down my lyrical spin on why you are such a dipshit for years to come, however I make it a point to only retaliate in such a way towards those who have control over these traits and so so regardless. I would love to see the mother who raised the boy who threw rape threats at an anonymous female online, oh goodness me I’d burst out laughing seeing him get hoisted up into the limelight and destroyed for being the immature, vicious little shit that they are, which to a small portion is happening in some areas.

I have brought this sort of topic up before about how severe the notion of a child is to things that we do need licenses for and I hear a common rebuttal somewhere along the lines that it is impractical or difficult to check for these sort of things. I don’t expect a perfect system by any means, however we have drivers licenses for every driver on the road I think we can manage a little something to stop every Jack and Jill from birthing baby Bill without even the basic means to raise them right.

Parenting despite what you might hear is not an instinct, there is no scientific proof that we know how to do jack for or around children, it is a learned behaviour. This is wholly enlightening when you consider the notion that bad parents raise bad kids who become bad parents to their own bad kids. This is not a flat rule but rather a general idea that turns out to be true most of the time. We cannot assume anyone knows anything about the what’s or hows of raising a human being.

There would be people who argue that who is anybody to tell them how to raise their child. I answer with the same question about them, what qualifies you to know anything about this? What are your credentials for raising a human child? When was your last psychiatric check-up? What is one well raised child a credit for, one time success is a well and true thing in all facets of life, getting lucky can and will happen. I don’t claim to have all the answers as there will most certainly be people who are more accredited with the knowledge to not only question the idea but the feasibility of it being implemented among other things.

I’m just sort of tired of knowing that when I see that shrieking stroppy little shit that you pamper and coddle, they are gonna be that cunt in my future son or daughters classes who causes problems or the men and women I tell them to stay the hell away from no matter what. I’m tired of seeing 13 year old boys shrieking at their mother for the tiniest infraction of their routine in a family of 5 and reacting with excessive violence to everything because it is what they were able to get away with.

I just want to see a better world to bring a life into, I want to keep them away from toxins and poisons that needn’t exist. I don’t want to see frail, weak minds whine when their kids don’t listen and disobey like someone said “oh don’t worry parenting is more like a hobby than a job”. These things are here because we give everyone the goddamn benefit of the doubt and don’t test them like we do even our day to day products.

We see extensive work going into checking a product that will be under going tremendous forces hundred and thousands of times, we expect a certain level of quality when it is going to be put to the tasks ahead. Why isn’t the parents minds checked for stress? Have they even remotely undergone the kind of mental strain that raising a child puts on them? I want to be happy when I hear two people are having a child, excited that they are bringing a life made of them both into this world. Instead I wonder if they can handle it, are they financially stable, will they be safe? I know nothing of someone who endeavours to be a mother or father. That just doesn’t seem right to me.

Ah goodness so many words this time! I don’t remember what number of posts I’m at but I know that when I reach 50 I’ll actually set-up some actual categories to make the behemoth of my post log more attractive to approach. So then at the end of this post tell me what you all think. Would you feel happy that prospective parents are checked of their abilities? How do you think people desperate for parenthood would feel being told they aren’t strong enough to deal with the challenges? Where do you think you might have picked up any maternal instincts of any kind? Thanks for the read and I’ll see you all around.


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  1. #1 by pyrusic on January 9, 2015 - 6:50 am

    Perhaps it’s when a child is raised to believe they’re entitled to success that they become parents who believe they’re entitled to their own opinion on how their child should be raised, regardless of the objective outcomes of their parenting style. Great topic, interesting question.


  2. #2 by Matt on January 6, 2015 - 10:16 am

    I was just thinking about it the other day: there should be a parenting license, because some parents are absolutely awful when it comes to raising their children, and not only does it harm the children themselves, but it can also be damaging to others in the future.

    I work as an English teacher over here in Brazil, and countless have been the times when I have dealt with parents that simply think it is the school’s job to teach the kids what is wrong and what is right. I have seen teachers be blamed by parents for their kids lousy behavior and even for the fact their children do not make an effort to do their homework.

    Some people are too lazy/incompetent to take it upon themselves to teach basic things like respect and responsibility to their kids. Those people should not be allowed to raise a child without some sort of preparation…


    • #3 by Prof.mcstevie on January 6, 2015 - 9:58 pm

      ….But the homework issue has the clue in the name, the HOMEwork, how do people not get that?


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